Continuing to look back over old letters, I realize some things don't change all that much. Have I shared the following here before? I cannot remember. It was written in a letter more than twenty years ago, when I was going through a time of physical discomfort and distress.
'I ask for enclosure in the will of God, and flesh fights valiantly against such death. It whines and complains and tries to feel sorry for itself. I recently wrote that I was not 'beating my fists against the grillwork' of God's will as I had in times past; this time I've been coming at the grillwork with chain saws and hammers. But all the while my will is given over to God, to preferring His will over mine and His plans to mine, choosing to stay in the enclosure in spite of all of flesh's clamorings. By an act of my will I have chosen to trust that if I say I want to be in His holy will, then that is where I am indeed. He does not give snakes to those who ask for fish. And so I choose to trust Him, knowing He sees the whole picture and I do not. I have actually become grateful that the choice is tough, because if it were easy it would not be the free choice that in fact it is. And I know I cannot make this choice. I can never do so. Only God's grace poured out can enable me to do so... '
No, some things do not change. It remains true - it shall always remain true - that only God's grace can enable me to make the choice for His will, no matter what I may ever face.
Only God's grace.
Painting: Charles West Cope
I need so much of God's grace! My will fights to be conformed to his. I grew up not being able to trust. Maybe that compounds the issue.
ReplyDeleteI had childhood issues with trust too, Aileen, and I think such a thing does confound the issue. It is a constant struggle for me. I pray that we will both have much, much grace!!!
DeleteThank you, Nancy, I pray that, too!
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