I want to write a post here today. A "snapshot" of what's happening in my cloister right now. But oh, I feel so lazy. Tired, mentally sluggish, and very, very lazy.
Which IS (when I think of it) a snapshot of what's happening in my cloister right now.
I just saw a thumbnail picture of one of our earlier garden posts, and thought "I could write about gardens!" My enthusiasm for that lasted about nine seconds.
The truth is: I feel lifeless today. Lifeless about writing, lifeless about praying, lifeless about thinking. My tiny burst of enthusiasm seems to have popped out, had a quick look around, and rushed back underground. The "cloister garden" feels bare, unproductive, stark.
Turning my attention to the window beside me, I see that I am surrounded by sticks. Skinny bare branches reach halfway up the glass. In summer we call that clump of dark gray lines a "bush." Today it seems a strange word for what I see before me, a lush green word from an unknown foreign tongue.
If I had not experienced seasons, if I hadn't watched this bush drop leaves and wither every autumn,
and then burst forth with tender shoots each spring, I cannot imagine holding hope of green ... ever again.
But green is there. Life is there. Somewhere deep inside, safe from ice encrusted winter, life is there. Dormant, huddled, swaddled life. Plants need their seasons of dormancy as much as they need the warmth
and sunlight of summer. When they seem totally barren, the sticks outside my window are in fact protecting life.The appearance of lifelessness is far from the truth.
"O my Lord, I am in a dry land, all dried up and cracked by the violence of the north wind and the cold; but as You can see, I ask for nothing more. You will send me both dew and warmth when it pleases You." (St. Jane de Chantal)
Painting: Julius von Klever, 1906
I hear you, Nancy! I am sleepy, lacking energy, feeling somewhat like a bear who is being deprived of hibernation even though the weather is unbearably cold. And I have to give a talk on Saturday. I've got on paper, I think, but I have to get it into my heart. But I'm just too tired. Time to turn it over to the Lord. When I am weak, it is then that I am strong. I pray that that is the case now. Lord, take my fatigue and weakness and use them for Your greater glory. Take possession of this talk and fill it with Your Holy Spirit so that I will say only that which You want me to say. Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.
ReplyDeleteJudy, what a profound prayer. I say a heartfelt amen to it, and will pray for your talk on Saturday. The idea of a bear being deprived of hibernation... that was me, exactly, when I wrote this yesterday. Perfectly put! The spirit wanted to "do what needed to be done" but the flesh was too tired to even think. So I just shared a "snapshot" of where I was. And that was it. Better today, thanks be to God! I am grateful for that, as I need energy for this particular day.
DeleteI pray that your talk will indeed be for Our Lord's greater glory. Amen!
Thank you, Nancy! I appreciate your prayers. I took another look at the talk yesterday and realized that it need to be reorganized. The parts were not in correct order. So I reorganized so that it would make more sense. Must be your prayers!
DeleteJust to let you know that your prayers worked. the talk went well in spite of the fact that I felt disjointed while giving it. I received several compliments for which I am grateful. I worked hard on it and know that the Lord made up for any defects on my part. Thank you for your prayers, Nancy.
DeleteJudy, thank you for the update.... and thanks be to God!!
DeleteHello Nancy, looking at your post, I thought this point from The Way 994 might help:
ReplyDelete'My enthusiasm is gone', you write. You have to work not out of enthusiasm but out of Love: conscious of duty, which means self-denial'.
This point was written for Don. Alvaro dell Portillo who later on went on to be Beatified Sept 27 last year... just goes to show!!!
Yes, it does go to show!! That quote is right on the mark.... thank you.
DeleteI guess you could look at this two ways -- do your work even if you don't feel like it, trusting in His grace, or spend a little time in rest and contemplation, knowing that He is working, and thanking Him for His mercy.
ReplyDeleteI think it takes a lot of discernment to figure out which is which. :)
You've made such an important point, Deborah. Yesterday when I wrote this, I knew I was called to basically rest.. I'd actually had a minor physical ailment that had kept me up much of the night before and I was sort of in "just-past-post-recuperation mode." (!). I had no pressing work. Today was a different matter, and thankfully I was feeling fine and energetic. The main thing for me is do I PRAY when I don't feel like it..... although prayer takes different forms in different circumstances as well. Yes, it takes discernment. I think that's absolutely key.
DeleteNancy,
ReplyDeleteThe winter of our soul is like a hard frost. However, spring will burst forward with new life soon.
Blessings to you!
Sue
Yes, Sue.... in the physical world of many of us, and in the spiritual "garden" of many of us as well! Thank you.
DeleteI know the feeling! I've been pretty numb myself the last couple of months! I just continue to trust! Beautiful posts as usual!! <3
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Lindy. Continuing to trust - that is so key, isn't it?!
Delete