Living within the will of God, making a specific choice to do so, can be a pleasant thing to talk about. It's nice to write of, good to meditate upon, and the idea fits well in the pages of a cloistered heart blog.
It's just a bit different when it comes to the doing of it. Oh, it's not so bad when God's will and mine are precisely the same. But at some point(s), my will and God's are going to conflict.
What happens then?
I look around at the "walls" of God's will, at the boundaries in which I am "enclosed" if I genuinely want to live for Him. I consider what the Church teaches on particular subjects. I delve into Scripture. Wow - there are some tough things to live up to in Scripture! Pray for my persecutors? Love my neighbor as myself? Do not judge?!
Sometimes I find myself picking and choosing, wanting to wander outside the walls. I can live this commandment, but I'm having some trouble with that other one. I'll go right along with this chapter in the Catechism, but surely I'm not expected to take that one seriously. I mean... c'mon! Who does?
If I intend to live cloistered in heart, then I "does." I don't just go grabbing stones out of my enclosure wall. For if I do, it won't be long before that wall - that high, beloved wall built by Our Lord Himself to protect me - comes swiftly tumbling down. And I am left unprotected, unshielded, vulnerable to attacks on my life, my spirit, my immortal soul.
God's will and mine are going to conflict. At various points, this will happen. In order for me to choose God's will for Him and not just for my own self-interest, this HAS to happen.
After all, if God's will and mine are always the same, however can I make a truly free choice for His?
Painting: Gustave Caillebotte, The Kitchen Garden
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